I was reviewing my journal and saw (and remembered) my pre-fast state of mind. This is what I wrote on January 1st, the day before I began the 21-day Daniel Fast:
“Abba, I know. Look at me. I am so in love with food. with coffee. wine. sugar. white flour. I am addicted to those things. I crave them. This behavior is pathetic. Yes, I AM in bondage. I don’t know what it would feel like to not have that bondage. WHY am I struggling with giving up this idol? I don’t know. Holy Spirit, please reveal to me WHY I don’t want to give it up. I hear you answer almost immediately – I have believed it is my friend. Like smoking was. It makes me “feel good”. Instant gratification. THE FLESH.
I think it’s my friend. But it isn’t a ‘person’, with emotions. Is that what I want? Something inanimate, to make me ‘feel good’? …with nothing I have to give back? That’s no different than pornography. Yes, that’s my flesh speaking. My flesh controlling me. Is that what I want, to live by my ‘flesh’s’ desires? The flesh is weak, Jesus said (Matthew 26:41).
God, I am so scared of this. Making this commitment to fast. I’m afraid I’ll fail. Yet I KNOW that You’re big enough to give me strength, to provide for me. Right now you’re making me think of the story in Your Word of the rich young man. He couldn’t give up his riches for Jesus (Matthew 19:22). Think of his regrets all through the rest of his life. The same thing happened to Esau. Esau LOVED choice food and he gave up his birthright for a rich fatty meal (Genesis 25:28). Later he regretted it. (Hebrews 12:17) Is that what I’m going to do? Give up this opportunity to go on a biblical fast to satisfy my FLESH??!!!!??
Spirit, please help me. Teach me. Pound it into my psyche. Let me understand the seriousness of “choosing” the things to satisfy my flesh… coffee, sugar, white flour, alcohol, etc….. these things that offer instant gratification, over a closer walk with You. Yes. They are my idols. I must admit that. I don’t seem to think I could give them up.
Thanks to the supernatural strength God provided me, I was able to complete the fast. He showed me that food was never meant to be my friend, nor was it designed to be my comforter. God provided me sisters in Christ who helped me along the way:
(1) Justeina Brownlee and the True Identity Ministry team, who challenged me to do the fast and who offered support and prayer along the way.
(2) Kristen Feola and her cookbook, “The Ultimate Guide to the Daniel Fast”and her blog, who offered so many awesome ideas for Daniel fast foods and meals.
(3) My daughter who sent me a kindle book, “Made to Crave” by Lysa TerKeurst.
(4) Lysa TerKeurst, whose teachings in her books, “Made to Crave” and “Craving God: a 21-day devotional”, taught me such important truth and broke personal bondages.
I want to close with a scripture, a scripture I have seen over and over again. It is my daughter’s life verse. It is the name of her blog. Ephesians 3: 14-20. I saw something I had never seen before. Look what verse 19 says: “…to know this love (the love of Christ) that surpasses knowledge —that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.”
“Filled”. Feeling full. Not with food. But with God!!!!!! Oh yes, that’s what I want!