Sometimes I wonder where my life is headed. What exactly IS my ministry or calling? Often I feel like I’m wandering, like a lost sheep.
But I know Jesus. I know he sees me. He saw Zaccheus up in that sycamore tree. (Luke 19:4) I am like Zaccheus in so many ways. Zaccheus had ‘separated’ himself, up in that tree. I do that too. I isolate myself. But Jesus saw him. He not only saw him, but Jesus invited him down from the tree and wanted to spend time with him! Can you imagine hearing this from Jesus?: “Zaccheus, hurry and come down, for today I must stay at your house.” But that’s what Jesus says to you and me, “Hurry, Sue! Come! I want to spend time with you!”
And I know that Jesus KNOWS I am ‘touching the hem of His robe’. So often I struggle with believing that Jesus would have the time to notice me. There’s so many other people that need Him. He’s probably busy with the huge ministries of important christian leaders, pastors, evangelicals, etc. But the story of the bleeding woman in Matthew 9:20-22 confirms to me that we are all important to Jesus. Jesus was on His way to heal the daughter of an important synagogue official when He stopped. Yes, he stopped! … and gave His full attention to this woman – a woman who, as an “unclean” woman, was unwelcome in society (LEV 15:19-30). She was socially isolated. Everything and everyone she touched became ceremonially unclean, so she would have been shunned by everyone, even family. Sexual relations would have been unclean, her bed and even her husband would have been ceremonially unclean, so she probably would have been divorced by her husband (DEU 24:1). Worship in the synagogue would have been barred to her since she could not make atonement for her blood flow (LEV 15:28-30). Yet this woman was important to Jesus. I hope we can all remember this at all times. No matter what we think of ourselves. No matter what the world thinks of us. Not matter what our history is, no matter what baggage we bring from our past. We are precious to Jesus.
And I know that Jesus HEARS ME calling out to Him through the crowds. In Matthew 20:30 there were two blind men who ‘heard’ Jesus passing by. They cried out to Jesus, and even though the crowd sternly told them to be quiet, they cried out all the more. And Jesus stopped. He stopped and called them to Him. In this story I am encouraged to know that Jesus DOES hear me and sees me. Even though I may not ‘see’ HIM, even though the world may be implying that He doesn’t see or hear me, and the world even tells me to ‘be quiet’, I KNOW by this story that He DOES, and that He wants to know whats on my heart and mind.
And I know that Jesus won’t turn me away when I come to Him with my questions. He didn’t turn away Nicodemus. (John 3:1-17) No, Jesus ‘explained’ things to him. And as if to validate this character of Jesus, it was in the next chapter, in John 4, that Jesus TALKED…. really talked to, was intimate with, the woman at the well. Like the bleeding woman, this woman also was considered ‘hands off’. She was a Samaritan, and a Jew would never talk to a Samaritan, let alone a woman! But the disciples found Jesus at the well, talking with this woman!
…….on and on and on.
Jesus loves everyone. Jesus loves me. This is why I call Jesus my friend. There is no situation where He will not be there for me. Jesus loves me. He loves me so much that He died for me.
So when I hear myself thinking, “I just want you to love me Jesus, to like me, to approve of me, to want to be with me”….. that is nothing but a lie from the evil one. Jesus has already established His love for me!
So if I’m ever at a place where I don’t want to be in life, is it because I am being ‘rejected’? Absolutely not! “Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? ……..For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Roman 8:35,38
Enough said. I will wait on and trust in the Lord.