Archive | November 2010

40 Years Ago

   It was Saturday, November 28, 1970, in a small church in Terry, Montana.  40 years ago.  Al and I were married.

   I am so grateful that I can celebrate November 28, 2010, with Al still by my side.  I do not take any of the credit for this accomplishment.  It is nothing I can brag about.  It is only by the grace of God that He pulled Al and I through all the trials and struggles and disappointments that every marriage goes through.

   There were the early years when anything was possible.  And did we ever dream big!  Then there were the irreplaceable years of raising our children.  Yes, it was hard, and yes, we made mistakes with our kids.  But how I look back on those years with swelling in my heart.  Nothing can replace that time.  Today, as we are entering the last chapters of our life, we probably don’t dream as big.  But we are content.  The passion may have faded some, but we have a love that is like a favorite pair of pajamas, which might not look real sexy, but boy do they fit good.

   Oh yes, I am blessed.  I am blessed.     

This entry was posted on November 27, 2010, in Uncategorized. Leave a comment

Montana Here We Come!

So excited!  The kids had a great idea to celebrate our 40th wedding anniversary with us (which is November 28th), so over Thanksgiving we’re all traveling together in a Jayco MotorHome.  We’re going to Montana where to see Al’s family.  It will be so much fun!  These are pictures of what the motorhome looks like:

This entry was posted on November 9, 2010, in Uncategorized. Leave a comment

Dispensable

I hate that feeling.  Dispensable.  Unneeded.  Unnecessary.  I have carried this feeling with me since my early childhood.  I know where it comes from.  Sheryl Crow had it right when she wrote and sang the song, “The First Cut is the Deepest.” 

I was just a little girl.  I idolized my Dad.  But he was a very sad man.  Very troubled.  Tormented by so many demons of his own.  He was an alcoholic and a womanizer.  As a little girl his affairs never affected me.  Not until the one with Eleanor.  Eleanor had two little girls of her own.  They were cute little girls.  From then on my Dad spent all of his time with Eleanor and those two little girls.  Even the holidays.  I was just a little girl and I couldn’t possibly understand the pain my Mom had endured all those years.  But this I could understand.  I was dispensable.  My Dad had traded me in for those 2 little girls.

That was the first cut.  And that was the deepest wound.  Because it remained with me my entire life.  Throughout relationships.  Friendships.  Jobs.  Anytime anything changed, I felt dispensable again.  Unneeded.  Unnecessary.  Time and time again. 

In the 60’s, there was a special teacher.  Then she moved away.  I expected her to love me enough that she wouldn’t leave.

In the 70’s there was a special friend.  Then she fell in love with a man and moved away.  I was devastated.  I thought she should love me more than him.

In the 90’s there was a special counselor.  She too, moved away.  I couldn’t believe that she could do that to me.  I was again dispensable.

And even when my own children made life choices that I didn’t like,  I expected them to value my opinion over everything.  When they didn’t, again…. I felt dispensable.  Useless.  Of no value.

And most recently.  There was a church I was involved with, a place where I felt ‘purpose’.  But then things transpired that I chose to stand up against.  Suddenly I became an ‘outsider’.  Suddenly I didn’t belong anymore.  

There it is again.  Feeling dispensable.  Over and over again, it keeps popping up.  Year in and year out, through these situations and many others.  I realize that I’m sounding very narcisstic in this post.  But what is, is.  It’s what I believed. 

As I was praying this morning, I was telling Jesus that this place where I’m at right now is hard.  I want so badly to feel like I ‘doing’ something…. some kind of ministry. Something.  I’m feeling useless.  I feel dispensable.  I hate feeling like this.  Then as I was reading my Bible, I started thinking of  John the Baptist and the Apostle John.  I was wondering what John the Baptist was thinking when he was in that dungeon.  He had spoken out (against the immorality of King Herod) and ended up there.  Did he feel dispensable in that dungeon?  After all, what was he doing for kingdom work THERE?  Or what about the Apostle John?  At the end of his life, after walking with Jesus Himself, and then decades of ministry, here he was exiled on the island of Patmos.  Before he received the ‘Revelation’, was he feeling dispensable?  Useless?  All of his friends were dead…. gone out in glory, so to speak.  Martyred for the Lord.  But here he was, sitting on this island, doing nothing.

Then, my precious friend, Jesus Christ, spoke to me. 

He said to me “I will never leave you or forsake you, Sue.  I will not abandon you.  I will not leave you as an orphan in the storm.  I will come to you…… even when I am physically gone from this world, I will still be present with you.” (John 14:18-19)

He went on….. “You are NOT dispensable, Sue.  You are salt and light to the world.” (Matthew 5:13)

It’s true!  As a Christian, with Jesus’ Holy Spirit living in me and through me, I AM salt and light to this dark world.  EVERY CHRISTIAN IS.  We are valuable.  Useful.  Christ is using us for His kingdom work!  I might not have some glamourous ministerial job, but I go to work everyday at a place where I interact daily with people who don’t know Jesus, who are living in darkness.  How else will they see the light of Jesus, ‘taste’ His salty presence, if not through us Christians?  What a spectacular ministry we Christians have!!!

These are the things Jesus told me this morning.  Then I realized it is the devil who is the one telling me I’m dispensable.  The one who is a liar.  The one who is a deceiver. 

Who am I going to believe?  The liar?  Or the One who always tells me the truth, who IS TRUTH? 

I believe Jesus.

This entry was posted on November 5, 2010, in Uncategorized. 2 Comments